Love & War - a book review

If I could choose the perfect title for a book on marriage, Love & War (by John and Stasi Eldredge) would be it. If we’re honest, that’s happens in many marriages: we love each other, so we get married, but then the war begins. John and Stasi give real-life examples from their own marriage, not from “case studies.” They cut to the chase with chapters such as “More Than Just Roommates,” “How to Have a Really Good Fight,” “The Little Foxes,” (dealing with distractions and the difficult topics) and “The Chapter on Sex” (yes, that’s really its title!). Their light-hearted, yet honest, approach will keep you turning the pages to find out how they got from “Let’s get divorced” after three years of marriage to celebrating their twenty-fifth anniversary.

My favorite thing about this book is that it’s written by a married couple from their own experiences. The “her” perspective is balanced by the “his” perspective—no lectures. Practical advice for real life gives couples hope that they really can find the marriage of which they’ve dreamed. I give Love & War an enthusiastic two thumbs up!

Disclosure: WaterBrook Multnomah Press provided me with a free copy of this book to review. I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Chicken Soup for Mom's Soul

Hope I don't get in trouble for borrowing my title from a popular line of books, but I thought it conveyed what I wanted to say. When you're physically sick, what's the best thing to eat (especially if it's winter)? Chicken soup! When you're emotionally exhausted from being around your children 24/7 while trying to make sure that they get a good education, what do you do? Last time I checked, there was no magic pill for toddleritis and there was no chicken soup for the teenage-induced flu bug.

Several things can help cure a worn-out mom. The most important thing is to make sure that you're getting enough rest and nutrition physically. I'm not a doctor or a health nut, so I'll leave the specifics to someone else. Just make sure that you go to bed early enough to get up at your designated wake-up time. If your sleep is interrupted at night, make time for a short nap early in the afternoon--say, as soon as the little ones go down for their naps. Also try to plan healthy meals and snacks for yourself, not just for your family.

This next piece of advice is my favorite. Are you ready? Get. Out. Of. The. House. Without. Children. I know it's hard, trust me. My husband and I had only 1 car for the first 11 years of our marriage, and I stayed home with our children--all day every day--during that period. I won't say that you have to go out once a week or once a month, but I will say that you need to get out of the house alone regularly. It doesn't have to be anywhere expensive or for a long time each time. When my kids were really young, even a trip to the grocery store was the highlight of my week sometimes! Look for a once-a-week, women's Bible study at your church that includes childcare; ask your hubby to watch the children while you go to Olive Garden for a girls' night out with some friends, swap babysitting with a friend or two one morning a week. Of course, you can always hire a babysitter and have your husband take you out for a nice meal--no cooking and no kids. Get creative!

Want to boost your happiness? Get outside in the fresh air and sunshine! I realize that it's easier the farther south you live, but even up north you can usually get outside for a short time (10-15 minutes) a few times a week. I like to walk slowly from my car in the back of the parking lot to the store; even a few minutes like that adds up. If you live where there's snow, I'm sure your kids would be delighted to have mom's help in making a snowman or in tobogganning. The sun's rays bring healing vitamin D and just plain ol' make you happy, even just a little bit of sun.

Perhaps I should have put this at the top of the list, but maybe you'll remember it better if I put it at the end. No matter how many children you have, no matter how many other responsibilities you have, always take time for your personal Bible reading and prayer EVERY DAY. You may have to lock yourself in the bathroom and ignore the pounding on the door to do it, or you may have to get up a few minutes early (that's my weak area), but find the time somewhere. When your kids are very small, even 5 or 10 minutes in God's Word daily can help to restore your weary soul. As your children get older and able to understand that you need some uninterrupted time (or less interrupted time!), it becomes even more of a personal discipline to make time for God. Along those same lines, try not to get stuck doing nursery duty week after week. Make sure that you're able to get to the big people service at least every other week to have some big people talking and learning time.

Q4U: What's your favorite way to rejuvenate when you have children at home 24/7 (either young ones or homeschooling)?

Goal Check - Jan.

How are you progressing on your 2010 goals/resolutions? Are you ready to cash in your shiny gym membership for a box of Godiva chocolates yet or have you lost that pesky 20 pounds yet?

Since I made my goals public, I thought I'd review my progress so far. Below is my original post, 2010 Goals. The action steps I took in January are GREEN. The steps I have yet to take are RED.

1. Take my writing to a new level.
Actions:

• Finish working through An Introduction to Christian Writing, by Ethel Herr, including the exercises.
• Work through For the Write Reason, by Mary Beth Whalen
• Send out at least one new magazine article query per month (sent a proposal for several and wrote one e-book for TOS; I figured that counts)
  
• Follow up on old queries (I'm going to get to that ASAP!)
  
• Put together a working outline, sample chapters, and proposal of The Book

2. Be more consistent with my quiet time.
Actions:

• Read through My Utmost for His Highest (again)
• Keep a daily journal (mostly - I've missed only a few days)
  
• Read through the book of Psalms

3. Explore the possibilities of more homeschool speaking assignments.
Actions:

• Hold a spring paper monster seminar (my house again?)
• Check on speaking at the HINTS Bookfair this summer
• Hold another early fall organization seminar (bigger audience/venue)
• Another exciting opportunity presented itself to hold webinars. I'm currently exploring that possibility.
  

4. Pursue better health.
Actions:

• Follow the elimination diet (Balsam of Peru & Sugar Sensitivity) to find out my sensitivities and allergies (Unfortunately, I think I may have uncovered some other food sensitivities. I'm currently undergoing some tests.)
  
• Exercise at least 5 days a week
• Cut back significantly on processed foods
• No surgeries, broken bones or major health issues! (I had all 3 last year.)

Q4U: How are your 2010 goals looking now?

Organization Defined and Explained

Many people ask, “Why bother to organize? It is too much work!” That has an easy answer: organization equals peace and consistency! In addition, I think that it is much less work to teach in an organized space than to try to find space and tools to teach every day. You reap what you sow: sow peace and efficiency into your homeschool to reap peace and effectiveness. Have you ever seen a farmer’s field with crooked rows or several different kinds of plants growing in the same row? Neither have I! Farmers know that in order to harvest the best crops, they need to organize their fields.

Does it take you half an hour to find the grammar book each morning? Do the kids take five minutes to find and sharpen a pencil? Have you ever found three copies of the same book lying around because you had no idea you already owned it? (Yes, I know someone to whom that has actually happened!)

Here’s a little parable to illustrate my point. Behold, a mother went out to teach her children. And as she taught, some lessons fell by the wayside; and the dirty socks and lost library books came and devoured them. Some fell on messy desks, where they did not have much space, and they immediately sprang up because they had no depth of thought. But when the days were long, they were forgotten, and because they had no root, they withered away. And some fell among unorganized papers, and the papers sprang up and choked them. But others fell on sharpened pencils and yielded three-point paragraphs, some a ten-point paragraph, some six, some four. She who has ears to hear, let her hear! (A very liberal retelling of Matthew 13:3–9.)

What is organization anyway? Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, Eleventh Edition, defines the word organize as “to form into a coherent unity or functioning whole; integrate; to set up an administrative structure for; to arrange by systematic planning and united effort.” Some synonyms of the word organize include classify, categorize, group together, plan, order, establish, and methodize. While the Bible does not use the word organize specifically, it does have an admonition about ordering one’s house, “Let all things be done decently and in order” (1 Corinthians 14:40). Proverbs 16:3 says, “Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.”

Q4U: Does organization terrify or excite you? Were you confused by what organization is or by its purpose?

Beyond Blah

It’s that time of year again. You know, the one that follows the most wonderful time of the year. It’s the mid-winter blah time of the year. No matter how much you and your kids love snow, you’re bound to get tired of it at some point during the cold, dark, shorter winter days. Can you tell I’m a warm, sunshine kinda gal? Since moving to Florida or Arizona isn’t in my plans for right now, I’ve had to brainstorm some more practical ideas for not only beating the mid-winter blahs, but for bouncing back from them.

My teenager and her friends came up with the following list: writing a story or writing in a journal, drawing, going to the farm (aka riding horses), and going to the movies with friends.

From my health-conscious acquaintances: get outside for some fresh air and sunshine the second you see the sun peeking through the clouds; get plenty of exercise (inside or outside); take a nice, long, soothing bubble bath (with a “do not disturb mom sign” on the door!); stay hydrated with plenty of water; eat nutritiously.

The Bible gives us some great encouragement and advice: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9). “I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint” (Jeremiah 31:25). “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall” (psalm 55:22). “You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothe me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever” (Psalm 30:11–12). Scriptures quoted from the NIV.

Here are some just-for-fun ideas: Have a summer-themed party inside, crank up the heat, put on a pair of shorts, blast the Beach Boys, and toss a beach ball around. Go outside and make snow angels—with or without your kids. Have a snowball fight with your honey; you know you want to! Warm up with hot chocolate, your favorite Starbucks drink, or a pot of tea with some chocolate chip cookies.

The bottom line is hang in there; this too shall pass. Before you know it, the math will click (I hope!), the days will be longer and warmer, the kids will stop fighting (at least for a little while), and you’ll realize that the blahs have become a bed of roses.

This article appears today over at Heart of the Matter Online.

Q4U: What are your best tips for beating the blahs? Obviously, I could use some help, too!